11th Birthday Reflections

The ground was covered in a layer of snow, one day eleven years ago.  It was not your average day.  It like NEVER snows in Baku, Azerbaijan! Something else about that day made a mark on history.  It was the day she was born.  What I would have given to be there, to see this miracle, to know the begining of her story.  I have imagined it hundreds of times.  These are details that I may never know this side of heaven. I choose, therefore to focus on the things that I do know...

        *She has been wanted every day of her life....God placed her in my heart before she was ever born.

        *There has never been a day she has been out of His care, though I was not priviledged to
be her mother until she was nearly 10 months old.

       *This child was fearfully and wonderfully made.  To know her is to know the truth of this claim.

       *God uses her mightily in my life. When I look at her, I see God's hand of faithfulness.

       *She has a HUGE HEART for others in need, the likes of which is rarely seen in a child her age.

       *I did not approve of this birthday, but it seems I have no choice, but to watch her turn another year older; to celebrate what heaven celebrates; to give thanks to the Lord for making it so.

       *To remember with an unspeakable love and gratitude, the birthmother who gave so unselfishly to choose life for the child we both call daughter.  May I never take her for granted.   I pray that God meets her at the very point of her need, out of His limitless resources, to bring His PEACE & LOVE to her heart.

       *To wish my baby girl a very HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Disclaimer: If the hamster you got today for your birthday gets loose in this house, I am not to be held responsible for my actions. 

Yes!...A Thousand Times....Yes!

The answer was YES! A strong, resounding, unshakable "Yes!" Amid a slurry of question marks & a mountain of unknowns was found a peace that passed all understanding. The question was a tough one, a scary one, a life-changer. Is this our child? Is this the one we have been seeking? Is she the one I have been holding in my heart? Is she the answer to our prayers?



I remember noting, nine years ago today, that there were no fireworks or magic moments...no easy button. But there WAS peace, blessed assurance that this was our child. After receiving the most-anticipated call imaginable, 4 days prior, Ben and I found ourselves desperately needing to hear from God. Knowing full well that our hearts were deceptive and completely untrustworthy for the task at hand, we simply couldn't breathe with out the Lord in those days. We were told by the specialist that she would need to be categorized as "high risk". We prayed together and then apart, face down in the carpet, desperately needing the guiding hand of our Creator God, of her Creator.

Sure there are risks with international adoption, but there are risks with biological births as well. The risks will always be there. Sometimes life is hard, but God's grace is sufficient. He is faithful to be found, to lead, to guide. And He never sends us on a journey without equipping us to handle the hurdles. Oh, we feel very incapable and overwhelmed at the very thought of the task. But He has indeed gone ahead and prepared the way for our timid footsteps; much like the story of Gideon who definitely had occasion to know fear's grip.

Fear and I have always been close, way too close. The story was told that as a toddler, I was occasionally lifted to the top of the refrigerator & encouraged to jump into the waiting arms of my Daddy. Don't judge...we also rode around without car seats or seat belts. My sister was always more willing to jump right off. But me? Not so much. It took a bit of coaxing from my Daddy before I would close my eyes and jump into his more-than-able hands. He would always catch me in his strong arms.

God's peace is available when I jump in faith. When I can't see what's ahead, can't plan for the next step, can't make out the path...that's when He does it. He settles my heart, places me in the cleft of the rock and covers me there with His hand. Then He blesses me richly in unfathomable ways. He deserves all the glory and the honor. He sets us up to soar for His glory. I am so glad I jumped, jumped right into His arms. It was an unforgettable ride. A journey full of twists & turns, where His presence was evident around every turn. I can't thank Him enough for the gift of this child.

He has blessed our family with four awesome kids, each as different as can be. Each with a journey of their own. May they know the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. May they know their promised land in all its splendor as they too obediently jump in faith, when the Father beckons them to "JUMP!"

The God Who Sees...

Exactly nine years ago, in a far away land, life changed for a tiny little girl, merely five months old. For reasons undisclosed, she was brought to an orphanage in need of care and nutrition. Her future was as unknown as her surroundings. She was a victim of circumstances that were beyond her control. It was nothing she did that brought this to be. She was in need, totally dependant on her new caregivers. She needed a savior.
What she didn’t know was that Elohim had known her and created her before she was in her mother’s womb. She was fearfully and wonderfully made. God had created such a marvelous child when He designed her. She was fashioned with His glory in mind. Also unknown to her, was the fact that El Roi was seeing her plight. He saw her fear and lostness. He saw her need. She was never out of His sight. She was also never out of His hands. El Elyon was and is in control. He is the Most High God, and He is working all things for His good pleasure, His glory, and for her good.

El Elyon had long since carved out a place for her in the heart of another. A place to grow and be loved, a place to learn of His Name, His character and His love. He has written a story over her life that pleases Him greatly. A plan is in place for her that will bring Him glory. What He plans He will bring to pass.
As special as she is, she is not alone. This same story repeats itself daily all around the world. Little ones find themselves in dire circumstances, in need of a food, clothing, guidance…in need of a savior. El Roi doesn’t miss even one. El Elyon has carved out places for each of these children in the hearts of unsuspecting people. Oh the stories He will write over the lives of people who are willing to take a step of faith in obedience to His call. All for His glory and His good pleasure.

Gotch Day Ponderings

Her Story Unfolds

"Mama, was I an orphan?"

She questions from out of the blue.

"Yes, Baby, you certainly were,

But that was before we adopted you."

Her questions, the same yet different,

Are repeated year after year;

As she grows in understanding, and

Her story becomes even more clear.

She knows that her story is different,

So her questions are quite a big deal;

Cause she so wants to know her story

To believe what is really real.

Born with no real future or past,

A baby house in a far away place;

Now confidently knowing that she belongs

In our family's loving embrace.

So I'll always answer her questions,

As any loving mother would do;

And help her sort out her story.

I'll teach her the things that are true.

But more than anything else, I pray

As she seeks and desires to know;

That she'll see the work of God's hand,

And her faith will continue to grow.

by Diane Proctor
Oct 15, 2011

Lessons From the Leash...Random Roadside Toilets

Dear Sage, our rescue dog, has a real issue with fear. Basically he is afraid of...well...everything. We are not sure what the 1st 6 months of his life was like, but this dog came to us unusually frightful. Since a fearful dog is an unpredictable dog, I have been working with him quite a bit. Leash walking is excellent for exposing him to situations and helping to desensitize him. on one of our earliest walks, Sage couldn't even walk in a straight line. Don't think he'd ever been on a leash. Can you say "zig-zag"?. By the time we reached the end of the block, he had yanked my arm out of socket. Needless to say, our walk was not long. Later, however, he learned the art of walking in a straight line. He is flighty, though. If it weren't for the leash, he would be gone in a panic. One particular day we were walking through a familiar part of the neighborhood, when all of a sudden Sage panicked and tried to bolt. Then I saw the monster that startled him. It was a random roadside toilet sitting next to the road. He had rounded a large brick mailbox, when that porcelain monster scared him out of his fur. When he couldn't run away, he ran around...my legs that is. So here we were, all tangled up together unable to move away from the monster. I managed to step out of the leash and drag him away from the scene. Once out of sight, I comforted and reassured my silly, frantic dog. I laughed at him for several more blocks until God drew me a picture. How many times in my life have I bolted in my walk with the Lord. Fear has been my companion more times than I care to admit. I've missed some awesome blessings simply because I was afraid. Praise the Lord, He had me on a short leash. He had me. He still has me. He won't let me go. His Word is mine to comfort, reassure and lead me to my Promised Land. From 2001 till 2003 and even beyond, our international adoption journey was littered with random roadside toilets (okay, work with me here). Most days nothing was familiar. It was a road only accessible by faith. Also along the road were blessings that far outshone the toilets. God had us in training for such a journey as this. Every random roadside toilet that we come across is for our ultimate good and growth. May God continue to train us in the way we should go. And then, when He says, "Go!" we'll be ready. Learnin' to love the leash!

9/08/03....A Day To Remember

Eight years ago we journey half way around this world to meet our daughter for the first time. She was a treasure worth searching out.....and still is. Mommie loves you sweetheart!


TREASURE OF THE HEART


I remember as though it was yesterday,
the events that took place that day.
With excitement beyond description,
to Azerbaijan we had made our way.

This journey was unlike any other
in the eyes of this anxious mother.
For the treasure ahead was our daughter;
and a child is a prize like no other.

I held my breath and strained to see
the treasure she held so lovingly.
My heart beat wildly, I refused to blink
as the caregiver walked straight to me.

I beheld the most beautiful baby.
She was tiny and cute as can be.
I could hardly believe it was real,
when this treasure was handed to me.

I held her and I breathed her in,
memorizing her face, round and pure.
This child was the one I had prayed for!
She is much loved and wanted, for sure.

For so long I had dreamt of this moment,
and I'll always remember this day.
For this baby was born in my heart,
and in my heart forever she'll stay.

copyright
Diane Proctor