11th Birthday Reflections

The ground was covered in a layer of snow, one day eleven years ago.  It was not your average day.  It like NEVER snows in Baku, Azerbaijan! Something else about that day made a mark on history.  It was the day she was born.  What I would have given to be there, to see this miracle, to know the begining of her story.  I have imagined it hundreds of times.  These are details that I may never know this side of heaven. I choose, therefore to focus on the things that I do know...

        *She has been wanted every day of her life....God placed her in my heart before she was ever born.

        *There has never been a day she has been out of His care, though I was not priviledged to
be her mother until she was nearly 10 months old.

       *This child was fearfully and wonderfully made.  To know her is to know the truth of this claim.

       *God uses her mightily in my life. When I look at her, I see God's hand of faithfulness.

       *She has a HUGE HEART for others in need, the likes of which is rarely seen in a child her age.

       *I did not approve of this birthday, but it seems I have no choice, but to watch her turn another year older; to celebrate what heaven celebrates; to give thanks to the Lord for making it so.

       *To remember with an unspeakable love and gratitude, the birthmother who gave so unselfishly to choose life for the child we both call daughter.  May I never take her for granted.   I pray that God meets her at the very point of her need, out of His limitless resources, to bring His PEACE & LOVE to her heart.

       *To wish my baby girl a very HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Disclaimer: If the hamster you got today for your birthday gets loose in this house, I am not to be held responsible for my actions. 

To Believe or Not to Believe...

Thanksgiving & Christmas are my favorite time of the year. It brings families together, as well as bringing out the best in each of us. We, like many, enjoy the spirit of Christmas. I thrill to the magic of all that is Christmas. We do, however, teach our children the true meaning of Christmas over & above the whole Jolly Ole Santa Clause story. Each of our 4 kids has enjoyed that part of Christmas as a historically based, fun make-believe part of the holidays. We never scoffed or forbade the mention of Santa, just stressed the true meaning of Christ's birth instead. We had fun with a fun tradition.

Well, interestingly enough, my daughter has been caught up in a friend's Elf on a Shelf drama from a prank at school. Whatever the details, she has come to the conclusion that Santa must be real & we have been wrong all this time. She believes this so strongly, that she drew me aside privately and held an intervention on my behalf. While riding home from school, she asked if I could meet in the dining room when we got home, saying she wanted to have a meeting with just me. Of course, wanting to be there for her, I said, "yes." Let's just say she was well prepared with a case to present. She took me aside & closed all the doors, then she seated me at the dining room table. She looked into my eyes and began to plead her case. "Mommy, I know you don't really believe in Santa, & I know that Christmas is really about Jesus' birth and all, but I just need you to listen. Mom, you've heard of the naughty list, right? Well, if you don't believe, Santa will have to put you on the naughty list! Mommy, I don't want you to be on the naughty list!" she pleaded. "I know what you think, but, wait...I'll prove it!"

With that she darted out of the room & returned with a talking teddy bear. I do love this teddy bear! It wears a fur trimmed red coat, and holds a very special book, "Twas the Night Before Christmas." When you press his paw, he sweetly animates the telling of the entire story. Well, she made me sit & listen to the whole story, as told by her sweet little bear. If I interrupted, she started the telling over again & begged me to listen & believe. Trust me, keeping a straight face was most challenging. She was so serious. When the bear had finish reciting the story, she turned to me and said, "See? This proves it!" Gotta love her proof text! There I sat, not quite sure what to say. So as she so often did, she kept talking. "I know! Here's what you can do. Just Don't put anything in our stockings this year, Mom. And just BELIEVE with all your heart, & then wait and see! A few days later, we asked her siblings if they too wished for their stockings to remain empty in hopes of a more jolly stocking stuffer to handle the task. They all agreed to stick with our current family tradtion. I asked again when she went to bed if that was really what she wanted. She nodded, but added, "Mom, can you come down early in the morning and check to see if it is still empty? Then, if it is, you can fill it up for me." So, sadly her empty stocking hung empty as I went to bed.

The scene the next morning? Pretty much what you'd expect. Her stocking didn't remain empty for long. Just couldn't do that to the dear child. Later when we discussed my early morning findings, she seemed to be fine with it. I asked her what she had learned from her experiment. "Nothing, really. We forgot to put out cookies for Santa, so that's why he didn't come. So, we don't really know. Maybe we'll find out next year." And that was that. All the drama...for what? So, I guess we'll all have to find out next year. Story to be continued. And I heard her exclaim, er she ran off to play, "Merry Christmas, mom. We'll leave cookies next year!" Fortunately, we don't have to wait till next year to learn the truth... Luke2:8-12... "And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9 An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

2012 Summer Olympics…Family Style

There’s just something about the Olympic games! I love it! Love the patriotism, the competition, the stories, the commercials…all of it! When I, otherwise, wouldn’t care to sit & watch a sporting event, I find myself staying up late, just to see who takes the medal. Before long I’ve developed a love for our countries’ athletes, as well as a few international ones. I admire their dedication to their sport. I am awed by their skill, their passion & their determination. They push way beyond themselves to represent their countries proudly.

We had a bit of an Olympic summer ourselves. I challenged our youngest and most fearful child, to make this “the summer of the dive.” This darling nine year old took my challenge and then surpassed my expectations. She began working on her dive with new fervor, and it paid off. She is now a delighted and decorated novice diver. I am so proud of her! To raise the difficulty level of her sport, she moved beyond her comfort zone of the pool to diving into the deep murky waters of Lake Chatuge. Up until now, she has echoed the sentiments of young Tantor, from Disney’s Tarzan. “Are you sure this is sanitary? Looks questionable to me!“

She also came up with her own self-challenges this summer. She conquered her fear of waves at our beach trip, with the help of her biggest brother. Rather then dreading those waves, now she duck dives right thru them. Another skill she developed was riding her bike with no training wheels. Falling down has always been deterrent enough to keep her from trying. Yet this was her time to step up to that fear and prove to herself that she could do this. And do it she did…without falling!

Now, I’m not saying that my child can do these things better than your child, or that she is anywhere close to Olympic level diving, swimming, surfing or biking. But she has definitely made it through the qualifying rounds. I am proud to support my little athlete in every way I can. I pledge to encourage her and lead her to Jesus with each and every fear she faces in her lifetime. I am sure there will be plenty of Olympic-sized fears or failures in her lifetime. But I also know that she is learning to face those fears one at a time, and go the extra mile to achieve the next honor. Think I’ll keep my pom poms and my tissues handy.

Phil 3:13-14 > “Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

Chosen & Grateful....Brain Freeze and All

"Wake up, Baby Girl! It's a special day!" She raises her sleepy head and stretches in response. I remind her that it's Fun Park Day for the Students of the Month, an honor she was awarded this month.

She totally had no claim over the title. As a matter of fact, she never thought she would ever know such an honor. Academics would not be considered her strength. She works hard each day to grasp what seems to come so easy to many of her friends.
She sat up, rubbed her eyes and quietly confessed, "Mama, I don't get it. How did I ever get to be the Student of the Month? I mean, nobody really knows, but I had a bad attitude with my friend last week. And I didn't make 100's on all my papers. I didn't think they would'a choosed me!"

I smiled at her, not trusting my voice to hide the lump in my throat. Her simple honesty and humility made me stop and think. How many times do we cop an attitude when we feel the least bit slighted. Maybe we feel we were a bit more deserving than the next guy; or maybe we have certainly been patient long enough. Pride is such a joy-stealer!

When afternoon came and it was Fun Park time, I met her there. She climbed off that bus with a smile that said "I can't believe I am here!" She gave me my favorite thing...a hug, and expressed her concern that another student's mom had confused the day. He looked up and explained that they thought it was the next day, so his mom might not make it. Madeline whispered that she wanted to share with him because he didn't have money for games or snack. I cheered her decision to share, and watched her grin as he accepted half of her money. She even joined him in an attempt to break the record for "Biggest Brain Freeze"...and she hates a brain freeze!

That's why, Baby Girl. You have a caring heart, a compassionate heart. You are a good friend to many. You want things to be right and you wish all people would love God and go to heaven. I'd choose you! But, then again, I already did.

Who am I? Who is my family, Lord, that you should bring us this far? Lord, may I yield any hint of entitlement to your grace. May I know the full blessing of your provision. May I be constantly blown away by the fact that You chose me.

You've Come A Long Way, Baby!

I hear it again..."Mama! Did you remember my tooth?", she calls out from her bed for the tenth time. My little one just lost another tooth. I highly suspect that she forced this tooth out prematurely, simply for the financial gain. It was not always this way......

She was five when she lost her first tooth. Only her K4 teacher can appreciate the trauma caused by the amputation of such a precious member of the body. The ordeal lasted a full month from the time the tooth first got wiggly, till the blessed moment of release. Due to fears, her world was somehow entirely rocked. Her diet changed, as she would no longer eat anything with more cosistency than pudding. Sleep was often interrupted by fears that she would lose her tooth mid-slumber and swallow it. Conversation now totally consisted of comments and queries about losing teeth. Our family and her teacher endured her fears to the best of our abilities. The whole thing finally went down at naptime in her classroom, much to her teachers dismay. It was an ordeal to say the least. Surprisingly, the drama continued, next to include the Tooth Fairy. When did the Tooth Fairy become a frightening force to keep innocent children from entering sweet & needful slumber? We stepped in and finally removed the tooth from her room and placed it downstairs, assuring her that the Tooth Fairy wouldn't mind at all. Finally sleep found us, and all too quickly, so did morning. Life goes on. We live and learn. So does she. Now a beautiful 9 year old, she still deals with her share of fears. But, thankfully, we have conquered this one. There will always be fears and trauma and oodles of drama. But each fear conquered is another step on how to trust God for each trauma that comes our way. I am so blessed to be her mama. God teaches me so much as a result. I love to watch her trade in her quaking knees for prayerful ones. She keeps my life so interesting and worthwhile. Speaking of interesting, I have an appointment with a Tooth Fairy to negotiate a fair price. Goodnight.

9/08/03....A Day To Remember

Eight years ago we journey half way around this world to meet our daughter for the first time. She was a treasure worth searching out.....and still is. Mommie loves you sweetheart!


TREASURE OF THE HEART


I remember as though it was yesterday,
the events that took place that day.
With excitement beyond description,
to Azerbaijan we had made our way.

This journey was unlike any other
in the eyes of this anxious mother.
For the treasure ahead was our daughter;
and a child is a prize like no other.

I held my breath and strained to see
the treasure she held so lovingly.
My heart beat wildly, I refused to blink
as the caregiver walked straight to me.

I beheld the most beautiful baby.
She was tiny and cute as can be.
I could hardly believe it was real,
when this treasure was handed to me.

I held her and I breathed her in,
memorizing her face, round and pure.
This child was the one I had prayed for!
She is much loved and wanted, for sure.

For so long I had dreamt of this moment,
and I'll always remember this day.
For this baby was born in my heart,
and in my heart forever she'll stay.

copyright
Diane Proctor